I spent the beginning of the week in funk. Like a normal funk, it was totally exhausting and frustrating. Unlike a normal funk, I knew exactly what the issue was. I miss Paul. And that is an understatement. I physically hurt for Paul. Before deployments entered our lives, I am not sure I fully understood the word yearn. After one and half, I absolutely do. It's hard because there is nothing to be done. I can't get Paul here any earlier. I can't get to him. We. Just. Have. To. Wait.
And so we wait.
And in the meantime, I focus on the good. These five things are making me happy right now.
This exact view. Home ownership is thrilling me so much more than I expected. I really thought it would be a lot like renting except for more upfront cost, more space, the ability to knock down walls and no one to call when the oven breaks. But I was wrong. This is so much different than renting and I am surprised to realize I have so much pride in it. I am obsessed with this house. With getting it right for us. With appreciating it's beauty and quirks. With keeping it clean. I marvel and feel grateful every single day that we took the plunge. I cannot wait for Paul to come home and feel what it's like to live here and make this place more ours.
Art over the TV. I hemmed and hawed for two weeks before committing. And once I did, it took more than a few nail holes and shuffling to get it right. But I love the look now. I love that every day a little bit more work gets done. I was talking to Paul the other day about my five step plan for moving all the bookcases in this house to make better use of them and was lamenting a bit that I have to wait for visitors to put my zillion furniture moving ideas into action. The little things (like hanging art and adding plants) that I can accomplish and adjust alone are downright thrilling.
Cheap art. My new TV art wall needed something else. That something turned out to be an Ikea Ribba frame that I had on hand and a piece of black cardstock with white letter stickers. Most likely this will be changed out in a few months, but right now, it's my favorite.
So many tomatoes. I don't know what the deal is. Is it the San Diego weather? Is it that I planted earlier? Is it that I picked more varieties? Is it that Mother Nature knew I needed a gardening win this spring? Regardless, I am so happy to have tomatoes on almost all of my plants. I ate my first red one Sunday night and it tasted like magic the way only food grown in your backyard can. I am so excited about this little garden. But I am also so excited about what it represents - four more springs and summers in this very same house. Next year we'll go big with planter boxes. Two years from now, I'll have a toddler helping me water our veggies. Three years from now I might be pregnant again with our second child. Four years from now there could be four of us eating from our family garden.
Kicks from my little lady. She's the most active tiny person in the world, I am sure of it. I remember in January waiting and waiting for those kicks. Was that one? Was that?! I was on high alert, hopeful to catch her first movements. Now, they are so frequent and strong they keep me up at night but are still never, ever taken for granted. This girl and her constant rolling entertain and comfort me. As mentioned a million times, it's so hard to be pregnant without Paul. But a quick jab from her and I am reminded that this, this moment, this place, this time, this story is exactly right. We are writing it together the only way we know how.