This week you turned two months old. Two whole months you have been in my life. I am supposed to insert a few cliches here. I should talk about how the time has flown by in the "blink of an eye". I should say that "I cannot remember what life was like before you." I should mention that these have been the "best two months of my life." I should express interest in "freezing time."
But none of that is exactly true.
It feels like many blinks since you, pink and screaming, came into this world. I am grateful for every single one. I am glad I have had a chance to blink. I have grown so much - almost as much as you - over these past nine weeks. You have gained 4 pounds, 11 ounces and 2 inches. You have learned to smile. You have learned to lift your head. You have learned our voices. I have learned to decipher your cries. I have learned where to let go and where to commit more fully. I have learned to be a mama. My heart has both ached and soared with the responsibility. I have fallen in love with you, more every day and more with every blink.
I do remember life before you, sweet girl and it was good. Because it was so good, Dad and I decided we were ready for a baby. We hoped and prayed and wished for you. We dreamed and planned and rearranged for you. And Ellerie, oh my, how you were worth it. You have changed so many things about my days but they are still so very good. While I vividly remember the past, I cannot imagine a future - or even a day - without you in it. I am so forever changed for the better, little one, and am so thankful that you're here.
These past two months have at times been impossibly hard. There have been high highs and low lows as we have gotten to know each other. We have found and are continuing to strengthen our balance, you and I. And you are so my girl. My special, magic, beautiful girl. Our bond is exhausting and wonderful. I cannot say that these have been the "best two months of my life" but I know with absolute certainty that the brightest moments I have ever known have occurred in the past nine weeks. I am encouraged and excited because the best two months (and the best years) are still ahead of us.
The last thing I want to do is freeze time. I want to enjoy each day that we have, but I always want us to be growing. We both change a tiny bit every single day. That is exactly how it should be. I have photos to save moments and a memory to save feelings. My biggest wish for you, little one, is that you continue to grow and learn. The only way to do that is by letting the days march forward.
Ellerie, I love you from the tips of your long toes to the end of your endless eyelashes. I love your bright blue eyes. I love your round tummy. I love the folds of your thighs and the creases of your wrists. I love your easy smile and sweet voice. I love your perfect nose and teardrop shaped birthmark. I love your kicking legs and conducting arms. I love your faint blonde eyebrows and tiny oval fingernails.
I love you, my gorgeous girl. Thank you for being patient with me these past two months. Thank you for giving me such bright moments. I couldn't start this letter with the cliches but I can end with one; the best, for sure, is yet to come.
yours forever, Mama.