This week you've been more clingy than usual. My normally happy-to-sleep in her crib baby has been replaced with She Who Must Not Nap Alone. I half expect you to pull a protest sign out of your diaper at any moment and wave it in my face. It's not that big of a deal except that this week I have been struck by Inspiration! and have been anxious to execute some new projects while you rest.
Instead of fighting for naptime, we're embracing the lack of it and getting out of the house to run errand after errand. Thankfully, as long as you've been fed, you're content as can be in the Ergo (my new best friend) and we've been wandering fabric stores, grocery shopping and browsing the library together. Eventually, I am going to need to get to work and you're going to need to get back to sleep, but if I have learned anything in the past eleven weeks it's that "this too shall pass." Everything is a phase. Everything ebbs and flows. Everything always balances itself out.
Very early after you were born, I was emailing with another new mama. Her baby was four and half months old and they were what felt like light-years ahead of us. I could not imagine four and a half months of motherhood. I could not really imagine the next four and a half days. I was deep in the trenches of newborn. Life was more difficult than it should have been and I was still struggling with your feeds. I mentioned to this mama that I just couldn't "figure it out."
She kindly and wisely responded* :
"I'm trying hard to embrace the craziness that is babies, I don't think you can ever really 'figure any of it out'! Luckily babies change and grow so quickly (which can be both good and bittersweet) you'll move from your current nursing phase into something different in no time."
Ellerie, how right she was. I have received a lot of advice on how to be a mother. Most of it washes right over me just as it should. But this comment imprinted on my heart and it's something I return to often. It's not my job as your Mama to "figure it out." It's my job as your Mama to embrace you. Some days it's so easy. Some days it's so crazy. But that's how it's supposed to be. No matter what, we just keep rolling onward.
And I know that someday I'll cling to the memory of these days where you clung to me.
your forever, Mama.
*quote from Kaytie at Seelamade. shared here with permission.