The best way I can describe life right now is "less fragile." I have settled into my job as your mama. There is a balance and rhythm to our days that will not be set off by small things. I wake up knowing what to expect and perhaps more importantly, knowing that I can handle the unexpected. It's a nice feeling.
And you, Buggy, at nearly four months, are so much less fragile. We hang out on the ground. We cuddle in the big bed. We go for walks in the stroller. We dance around the kitchen. You kick your legs and create waves in the bathtub. You clutch my shirt, hair and neck as we move through the house. You pull your bottle towards you and push it away. You are in awe of your fingers and watch them dance in front of your face. You spend most of your awake hours flashing me a giant grin and playing hide-and-seek behind your blankets.
The other day, after yoga class, I ran into another mama with her newborn. This baby was maybe two or three days old and cuddled up in that perfect newborn snail shape on her chest. For a moment, I thought my heart would burst. For moment, I missed that. I missed the days when you were tiny and fresh and snail-like.
But then I looked at you. At the bald baby head bobbing in the Ergo carrier against my chest. I saw the sparkle in your eyes and the roundness of your cheeks and I remembered the ticket I bought is one way. We're headed only forward, you and me. And though those teeny tiny moments were special, what we have now is so much better. These less fragile days are easier, for sure, and equally amazing.
This week I folded up your bassinet and stored it in the garage. You are now big enough to sleep un-swaddled in your own crib at night. With your arms free, you sooth yourself to sleep by sucking on your thumb and now getting you to bed each night takes just minutes instead of an hour. This is huge. Huge. And yet, I still packed up that bassinet with a lump in my throat. I can hardly believe how far we've come since those brand new and tender first days. It's good, sweet girl. So good.
Happy four months, my love. Keep on growing.
Yours forever, Mama