Safe to say that pregnancy the second time around is a different thing.
First time around I could tell you the month and day count without a second thought. I knew what size fruit the baby was. I "needed" a snoogle to sleep. I strolled the baby aisle and bought "just one more thing (x75)" for the coming baby. I never, for a second, "forgot" there was a baby on the way.
This time around, I have a general idea of weeks (26 today!) but it's never on the tip of my tongue. I don't know what fruit we're at but I do know she's most likely weighing in at about a pound. I hate my snoogle. I have bought literally one thing (couldn't resist these patterns!). And crazily, full hours pass where I forget in a few months there will be another family member with us.
EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT.
Mostly though, my naivety about what's to come is gone. It evaporated along with the spilled milk and the tears sometime during the summer of 2013. I have a better idea of what adding a newborn looks like (though I have no idea of what adding a sibling looks like). I know what sleepless nights really feel like (it's nothing like college). I know what breastfeeding feels like. I know what c-section recovery feels like. I know what that fierce, over-whelming mama bear love feels like.
I also know what swimming against the current feels like. And I know, more than anything, that I don't want to do that again.
Yep. Everything is different.
Because while I don't have a map or a template for how to do this all over again, I have experience that says "you can do it all over again. You can add a baby into the fold. You can miss the sleep. You can feed her. You can recover from whatever way your baby arrives. You will love this baby with everything you have."
But even louder, that experience says, "you don't have to battle so hard this time. You can relax a bit this time."
I wish I had that the first time around. But I didn't. And we still made it.
With every kick from this baby girl, with every reminder that indeed we are almost to the third trimester, with every passing worry, I take a deep breath and remind myself of how truly good it gets. And how special those early days are. I remind myself that I can save all that panicked energy and just ride the wave.
The only thing that's not different this time is my excitement level. I'm thrilled that in 14 weeks we'll be meeting this baby girl. I don't know how it will go exactly, but I know for sure Paul will not be deployed when she arrives. That alone is worth about 45 party hat emojis.
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New podcast episode today! I'm chatting with Ann-Marie Espinoza about...EMAIL! Love it, hate it, forget about it, we cover it all PLUS how to right an email that has a better chance of getting a response. Subscribe or stream here.
